When we returned to the US from Nicaragua in July our plan was to spend 2 months here and go back to our home in Nicaragua. However, during the 2 month time period we were slowly convinced that we needed more time here to work on some unresolved issues. We also realized that we needed some time to rest.
One morning, as I was going about my work and wrestling with the decision to stay here longer than what we had planned, God made it very clear to me that to return to Nicaragua right away would be a foolish and selfish decision. We obviously needed time to rest, process, heal, seek restoration in relationships, etc. To place "ministry" above those needs would be detrimental to my families well-being and would not be God honoring.
Now this sounds like an easy decision, right? Well, for me it was not. I HATE to disappoint people! All of our friends in Nica are waiting for us to return. Our family and friends here are expecting us to go and follow this dream. How can we not go when we said that we would? God said, "Eat some humble pie and admit to everyone that you are not ready to go just yet". Ouch! I don't want to admit to anyone that my life is not perfect and that we don't have it all together. I don't want anyone to think that we are not going to follow through with what we said we would do. I don't want to change the plan.
This has been a hard, but freeing lesson for me. I have realized how often in the past I would continue on a course of action, to my or my families detriment, simply because it was expected of me and I didn't want anyone to say or think anything. That is a terrible place to live and I don't want to live there any longer.
Yes, it is hard to say that we are having to put our plans on hold for a year to seek some healing in our lives. But at the same time I know in my heart that it is the right thing and I am freed by walking in humility.
We will return to our beloved Nicaragua when we are ready. I hope that it is soon because I miss it so, but in the meantime I will wait patiently.
