Friendship, Transparency, Prayer

“A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.”
As we have reflected on friendship recently we have come to realize that it is very difficult to find people who are willing to actually be friends; meaning people who are willing to take the time to care, to listen, to help, to be transparent, to share from their hearts, and to share in one’s struggles and victories. Culturally we are so accustomed to having acquaintances, but we have very few friends. How desperately most of us really need someone who cares, but how few of us actually have that someone. Our conversations are often so shallow, “How are you doing; how’s work going; what have you been up to; how are the kids; I’ll be praying for you; okay, take it easy”. As the author put it so beautifully in Wild at Heart (I will paraphrase), we walk away from that conversation and we don’t give a rip about that person. We only say those things because it is the Christian thing to say. How true. In our churches we really don’t want to hear about someone else’s problems. We simply are not interested.
I remember quite clearly one Sunday we were at a particular, unnamed, church, and during the Sunday school time a dear brother dared to speak up and share a struggle that he had as a father. He bared his heart in a way that is simply not heard, or frankly acceptable, in the church, and when he finished not a person in the room said a word (to my shame neither did I). He was left in embarrassed silence, as though somehow he was the only person in the room who ever struggled with anything of the sort. The message to him was quite clear, “Don’t ever share anything like that again. We simply do not want to hear it”.
This experience, among many others, has reinforced my belief that church as we know it does not work. The only place that we have ever felt free to really drop our masks has been in a couple of small groups that we have been a part of where we were all willing to be transparent together. We were able to bear each others’ burdens, lay on hands and pray for healing or freedom from demonic oppression, share our joys and sorrows, exhort each other, admonish, and praise God together. Frankly, the most beautiful and supportive time in my Christian walk has been with those groups. Those people, even with all of their flaws, have been some of the best friends and most supportive brothers and sisters that I have ever had.
In place of the chit-chat at church I would love to hear people excitedly sharing what God is doing in their lives, what He has shown them in His word, or what miraculous and marvelous thing He has done. On a trip recently, we had the privilege of meeting another young married couple, and in the few hours that we had to together we were able to share, with excitement, what God is doing in our and their lives. They were perfect strangers, but it was one of the most fulfilling and stimulating conversations that I have had in recent history. Why? Because it is thrilling to talk about the power of God and what we believe it means to really serve Him.
To refer back to a phrase that I mentioned earlier, “I’ll be praying for you”, I would venture to say that this is the most commonly told lie in the church and amongst Christians. I have told it too, many times. We say it because we think that it is what a good Christian should say, and it is what we should do. However, how many of us walk away from that conversation and never think about it again, or if we do happen to think about it we quickly say, “Lord, please help Joe”. There I’ve done my duty. What nonsense! There are two reasons I believe that we act this way.
1. We simply do not care enough about our brothers and sisters to take them to the Lord in prayer.
2. More importantly, we don’t believe that God listens to our prayers and/or will do anything. By looking at the life of most Christians today one would come to the conclusion that we have the wimpiest and weakest god that could possibly exist. Is it blasphemous to say that, I think not? Look at how we act and how we pray; when we pray we don’t really expect God to act, and we never pray for God to do things that are impossible.
I love the account that one of my former co-workers told me a couple years ago. Sorry Steve if I don’t get it quite right, but it is a great account, so here goes. This fellow was commuting 1 hour each way to and from work, and the heater/defroster ceased to work in the car. This became a problem as winter came on in Pennsylvania. He was forced to drive with the windows down so that the windshield would not frost up, and even bundled up he would arrive at work quite chilled. With a young family he did not have the money to have the care repaired so he continued on this way for a time. However, one day his pastor learned of the problem and said, “This is crazy, this cannot be”, and laid hands on the car and prayed. From that day on the heater worked again.
Why does this seem so incredible to us? Why do we always search for the most logical physical solution to a problem when we have the Almighty, All-powerful God just waiting for us to ask? Didn’t Jesus say that we will do even greater things than He did? I am forced to believe that we don’t really believe that God is all-powerful.
However, I have resolved that I am going to start acting, and asking, like I really believe. Why should I accept that my son is lactose intolerant? That is certainly not God’s plan. Why should I tolerate allergies and act like there is no recourse, other than medications? Do I believe that God is powerful enough to bring healing to any sickness? I am excited to see the miracles that God is going to perform. Just last evening (Sunday) Zach and I went to the church service, and left Nathaniel and Colleen at home because he was suffering from a cold (as are many other children). It struck me during the service that I should ask for healing and expect to see results. So that is just what I did, and when I arrived home that is exactly what Colleen told me. He had woken up from his nap grouchy, but had begun acting differently part way through the evening (about the time that I was praying). Now before you say that the cold had just run its course let me assure that that is not the case. It had only begun 24 hours earlier, and you all know that a cold never runs its course in 24 hours. I rest my case.
Don’t think that I am boasting; that is not the case at all. I am simply illustrating the weakness of our faith (mine included), and the lack of strength in our prayers and our faith. God delights in giving good gifts to His children. We need to step up, believe, ask, expect, and receive with thanksgiving.
Also, we need to resist the enemy and cast him out, but that is for another day…